


Vanity makes you say things like “I deserved a better life than this"

by mentosmorii



Category: Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer
Genre: F/F, Gen, Male-Female Friendship, carefully prying lilian frond out of colfer's hands and giving her a personality, post-Root's death, this isn't as sad as it sounds i stg ksjdhffkjs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-10 07:16:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19901872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mentosmorii/pseuds/mentosmorii
Summary: “Sool is going to run the LEP into the ground. I don’t — I don’t even know how many people he owes favors — you know someone like him couldn’t have made it this far without making some promises to people with a vested interest in using LEP like their personal security team,” he threw his hands up in disgust. “I hate him, and because of that, I’m going to stick around. I’m not giving him the luxury of a team full of yes-sirs.”“You think he’s firing Foaly,” Lili remarked bluntly, raising her gaze. Trouble leaned forward, rubbing the bridge of his nose and sighing.Holly didn't stick around the LEP long enough to hear a half-hearted apology regarding her being accused of murdering Root. Not everyone else was lucky enough to get out, though. Sometimes you have to desperately hold onto the side of the Titanic that's up in the air, hoping that if you combine your weight with another, a change can be made. Trouble and Lili go out for coffee and reflect on the mile-high reputation that Holly Short carries with her, and friendships are made along the way.





	Vanity makes you say things like “I deserved a better life than this"

Lili handed the pixie working at the cash register her card, smiling politely as she waited for the purchase to ring through. The computer gave a cheery set of beeps and clicks, and Lili checked her pager to make sure the receipt for the coffee had been uploaded to her cloud account.

She scrunched up the bridge of her nose in confusion but forced her face to slacken at the prompting of her mother’s voice whispering in the back of her mind that the action would give her wrinkles in a century’s time.

“I know it’s weird to ask,” she said, laughing slightly. “But I think you undercharged me.”

The pixie had already moved to hand off the order to someone working near the prep zone, but she snapped back to face Lili, her customer service voice ready.

“LEP discount, ma’am!” the pixie chirped, and Lili almost flinched.

“Oh,” Lili tittered nervously. “Right. Thank you.”

The pixie peered behind Lili, leaning towards the elf conspiratorially once she was sure that no one was in the queue.

“I’m sorry about the commander,” the pixie said quietly, tone sympathetic.

Lili took a small step backward, trying to maintain a polite smile. “It’s already in the press?” she remarked lightly, pocketing her phone and inching towards the seats.

The pixie, whose name tag Lili now realized was emblazoned with the name ‘Basil’, backpedaled. “One of the news broadcasts they had on the train this morning talked about the funeral ceremony they’re hosting over the weekend.”

“That’s nice,” Lili said, feeling a tad lightheaded.

“I’m sorry,” Basil flushed. “I shouldn’t have —”

“I didn’t know him — Root, that is,” Lili blurted out, holding up her hands.

The two of them regarded each other awkwardly.

“I’m—”

“I have to meet someone. From work,” Lili said, moving away from the counter before Basil could splutter out another apology.

Lili picked out a group of chairs seated in the corner around a small table. She wasn’t on staying here long with Trouble, after all. They would both have their coffee, exchange pleasantries, and leave. Simple, easy, quick.

She didn’t have to wait long for a notification to pop up on her phone announcing that her drink was ready at the pick-up station, and she left her bag on the table before rising to retrieve it. Thanking the barista, Lili quickly found her way back to her alcove, waiting for her coworker to arrive.

***

Lili hadn’t been sure what to think when Trouble had approached her desk that afternoon, hesitant and almost embarrassed, to ask her out for a coffee after work. She’d paused in her typing, staring at him. He’d coughed, posing the question again. Ultimately, she’d decided to say yes, deciding that they would share a coffee, make small talk, and then proceed to never repeat the process ever again. He’d left her desk, looking relieved yet not quite _happy_ abouther answer, and she’d gone back to typing, almost meditating on the rhythmic tapping of her keys. The office was quiet without Root and Holly — they usually were bickering, or, rather, Root was reprimanding Holly for some stunt she’d pulled while she cracked wise comments for an audience that consisted of herself and, occasionally, Trouble.

Lili took a sip of her drink, ignoring the way the action stung her lips from the heat. She’d always assumed Trouble was going to ask Holly to do something outside of work. It’d seemed inevitable. He’d clearly admired her — how could he not? Holly Short — the ‘crazy girlie captain’. The woman with smartly cut short hair and a presence that was larger than life. Her last name was ironic in that she balked at the idea of cutting herself down to make herself more palatable.

Holly hadn’t been to work since Root’s passing. It made sense, Lili mused. She’d heard from whispers around the office that _Holly_ had been considered as a primary suspect in Root’s murder. Apparently, the only reason that Holly was on bereavement leave instead of in a holding cell was that Holly had managed to throw a now miraculously cognizant, free Opal Koboi at the council. The people in Holly’s work circle closed rank around their own, so Lili didn’t know the exact details of the case other than what her coworkers had overheard while delivering reports to Sool’s office after he first filled the position. Idly, Lili wondered who among the field officers had believed Holly was responsible for Root’s death. She wondered what Foaly had thought — the techies would’ve been the one dealing with any footage from the scene, after all. A bit morbidly, Lili wondered if she could get away with asking the centaur. It would be something so out of character for her that she half-bet that he’d answer honestly out of surprise.

Lili tried not to frown, as the expression made her face scrunch up in a decidedly unattractive way. Work had been terrible this past week. It felt like the air had been sucked out of every room in the office. No one talked at _all._ Although Lili wouldn’t say she was close with anyone around the office, she liked to be a fly on the wall of her coworkers’ conversations. It made her feel like the audience of a sitcom — maybe no one particularly liked her and maybe she didn’t particularly like most of her coworkers, but when work was busy enough, she was able to view her life at the LEP as almost a 3rd person spectator. Foaly was the oddball IT guy, Trouble was the main male lead, Root was the tough-love boss, and Holly…

Lili sighed. Holly was the main character.

Shooting a glance through the window, Lili watched Trouble Kelp trudge his way up to the cafe door, hands in his pockets. He looked like he was running an errand instead of going on… a date? An informal get-together with a coworker? Lili wasn’t sure exactly what their meet up constituted as.

She shot him a winsome grin, and he gave her a thin-lipped smile in response. He made his way over to the counter to order, and she let her smile shrink by a few molars.

Lili took another sip of her coffee.

Would it be strange to send Holly a sympathy card? She didn’t know. Lili sighed, absentmindedly prodding at the saucer her cup was neatly sat upon. She hadn’t said goodbye to Short. Lili hoped she was doing alright.

Trouble sat down gingerly in his seat, and Lili almost giggled at how awkward the movement was. He was a field agent like Holly was. To see anyone in that department delicately trying to seat themselves in a cafe was hilarious — they were universally known around the LEP for being the most boisterous sector of the force.

“So,” he started, using one of the metal stirrers to mix in the ungodly amount of sugar he’d added to his coffee. Lili discretely shot a glance at his drink; it was almost the color of milk. Her eyes flicked back up to his face, and she saw no hint of him having noticed her studying.

“So,” she parroted, and Trouble winced.

“I like what you’ve done… with your hair,” he offered, and she cocked her head.

“What did I do to my hair?” she asked, and he looked like a troll in the headlights.

“Er… new part?” he tried slowly, and she batted her eyelashes coyly at him.

“Thanks for noticing.”

“Oh— it’s no problem, really,” he waved her off, and she simpered.

Lili hadn’t done anything new to her hair that she could remember.

“Why were you late?” she asked, and Trouble choked on her drink. Taking it in stride, she passed him a napkin, and he dabbed at the wetness that had dribbled onto his chin.

“Paperwork.”

“What kind?” she pressed, keeping her tone disengaged enough so she wouldn’t seem like she was interrogating him.

He hesitated, wondering where the line between socially-expected small talk about work and revealing too much lay. “We’ve had some people around the office who...” he said, seeming to be internally battling something. “Do not… want to continue with the LEP under our new management.”

Lili took another sip of her drink, trying to hide the way her eyes lit up. “Oh?”

“It’s nothing worth worrying about,” he waved her off. “How was your day?”

“Trouble,” Lili gave him a look. “Has Holly put in her two-weeks’?”

Trouble began to look like he seriously regretted stopping by her desk earlier to ask her out for a drink.

“I won’t tell Sool,” she wheedled. “I don’t even report directly to him, you know that.”

He considered it. “Yes,” he sighed, looking away from her. “Her and Vinaya are the ones you’d know. There are a few other officers, but Holly and Vinaya are the two who you’ll notice are gone from the office in the next few months.”

“D’Arvit,” she breathed, and he looked at her, shocked she’d swore.

“I’d assumed you and Holly didn’t like each other,” he said, furrowing his brow.

“I’ve never interacted with her,” Lili admitted. “Just seen you or Root talking with her around the office.”

“She’s something,” he laughed, eyes fond at the memories he was no doubt leafing through. “I’ll… things won’t be the same without her around. But I can understand why she wouldn’t want to stay,” he grimaced.

Lili nodded, considering the hole that would only become more noticeable within the LEP with time. The first female field officer. Gone. She wondered how long it would take for another woman out of the academy to be granted to privileged of being the new experiment, if a new woman was even allowed to fill Holly’s place. Sool certainly didn’t have much interest in the program.

Trouble snorted suddenly, remembering something. “Do you know what she did during her first day at LEP? It was one of the exercises you do with your leader—” he paused, considering something. “Do you have those in the office?”

Lili shook her head.

Trouble shrugged, continuing on. “Must just be a field officer thing, then. Well, her first mission was a retrieval simulation in which each new recruit is armed with a paintball gun and forced to complete their objective. She ended up winning by _shooting_ Root with her paint,” he laughed. “She looked him dead in the eye before she did it! I can’t think of anyone else who’d have the metal to do something like that the first day on the job.”

“Are you leaving?” Lili asked suddenly. “I mean — well, she’s gone. So’s Vinaya. I don’t —“

“No.”

Lili blinked. “No?”

Trouble looked exhausted, his shoulders slumping as if the admission of his decision had taken the wind out of him. “Yeah, I’m gonna stick around.”

“But—“

“Sool’s a complete prick,” Trouble shrugged. “He’s stuck in his ways. Holly will pick a path and fight to her last breath if she thinks there’s even a small chance she’ll succeed.”

Trouble's gaze hardened. “If she’s gone, then she came to the conclusion that there’s no way she’d ever be able to work with him.”

“Well, she’s right,” Lili frowned. “Sool would never put her back in the field. He _hates_ her.”

“Her conscience wouldn’t let her get stuck in a dead-end job just to pay the bills,” Trouble smiled ruefully. “Vinaya left for the same reason.”

Lili hummed in thought, lazily running a finger around the rim of her drink. “They’re similar. No wonder they both got along with the Commander.”

“I wish I could have spent more time with him," Trouble admitted, pursing his lips into a thin line.

“Too busy with Grub?” Lili questioned, hoping it wasn’t too personal to ask.

Trouble made a face. “You have no clue. Half the trainees are try-hards who signed up for the force so they could fulfill their fantasy of getting to be the asshole who shoved them around in school. They’d either eat someone like Grub alive or mold him into the same brand of bitter loser.”

Lili nodded approvingly. “You’re a good older brother.”

He snorted. “I live with him and our mother. Sticking my neck out for him was for my sake as well.”

Trouble and Lili both smiled at that, some of the tension draining away. Lili took a sip of her coffee, almost sighing at the emanating warmth it lent her. Gently, she set it back down in the saucer, composing her thoughts.

“Trouble...” she began gently. “Why did you ask me out for coffee?”

Trouble looked at her guiltily. “Well—”

“I know you don’t fancy me,” she pointed out, and he flushed. “It’s okay. I don’t fancy you, either.”

He sagged in relief, and Lili was grateful he didn’t take offense at her admission.

“Oh. Good,” he sighed. “You seem nice—”

“No, I don’t,” she grinned, but the expression had a bite to it. He took it in stride.

“I didn’t want to go home and think about the LEP until I have to get up in the morning for work,” he admitted, giving a small shrug. “I couldn’t go somewhere with anyone from my department — it’d turn somber too fast. You’re the only person I really know by name outside my department other than Foaly, and he...”

Trouble toyed with how he was going to phrase the next part.

“He’s thrown himself into his work since the footage came out,” he said bluntly. “It messed him up. He’s happy Holly is safe and proven innocent, but he’s… he feels guilty. No one blames him, but in his mind his tech nearly got Holly thrown in jail because Opal managed to outsmart our tech safeguards. What’s best for him right now is space.”

Lili frowned sympathetically.

“I asked you mainly because I didn’t think you’d say no,” Trouble continued. “I wanted to just be normal for an hour.”

“You didn’t expect anything to come of it?”

He looked at her in confusion. “I don’t — why would I? Neither of us feels that way about one another.”

“Doesn’t mean you didn’t expect something more,” Lili pointed out. “I know what guys around the office say about me.”

He looked queasy at the implication. “I’m not like that.”

Lili tried not to look at him in pity. “And I don’t fancy every man around the office. It doesn’t keep others from assuming.”

“I’m sorry about… all that,” he said, looking rueful. “I’ll talk to some of the guys that report into me about that.”

“I’m not sure any of the field officers will care about petty workplace gossip. They don’t exactly think I’m smart enough to piece together that I’m the person they’re talking about,” she noted. “It’s easier for me, in a way, for them to make the assumption. It’s what’s expected of me. No reason to challenge that sort of talk as long as my reputation isn’t too impacted.”

“It’s not true, though,” Trouble said slowly, confused at her lack of desire to pursue righting the issue. “Why not, I dunno, file an HR report?”

“My parents already aren’t that pleased that I went into the LEP after graduation instead of marrying one of the boys in my class,” she explained, aware the world of old money and names that carried power were well out of the realm of Trouble’s experience. “I’ll take these assumptions over more… difficult ones.”

“Like?” he prompted.

“If it’s true that I haven’t been with _any_ of my superior officers, then the question becomes why not? And I’d prefer not to get into questions surrounding that business with my mum.”

“I don’t follow,” he said, mystified.

Lili tried to find her patience. It wasn’t his fault that he didn’t speak Haut monde euphemisms surrounding sexuality.

“If I haven’t been with any of the men I work with,” she said slowly. “Then the question becomes why have I not been with any man at the LEP?”

Trouble blinked, and she could almost hear the gears whirring inside his head. “Wait.”

“I only date women, and that’s not something that someone from my kind of family can do publicly,” she all but snapped, and his mouth formed an O in understanding.

“Oh. That’s — I was worried when you said you didn’t fancy me that it was, er, that you thought I was ugly, or something,” he remarked, almost shy. “But… it’s that we’re just not… you know.”

She nodded. “You’re not allowed to tell anyone,” she stressed, taking a sip of her drink. He shook his head emphatically.

“I won’t,” he promised.

“Good,” she smiled, and he returned the gesture.

“To confirm, though,” she insisted. “You’re staying at the LEP?”

“I…” he tried, drumming his fingers on the table. “I don’t think I _want_ to leave.”

Lili started, scrunching up her nose. “What?”

“Lili, both Vinaya and Holly are gone. They quit,” he stressed. “Give me one name of someone in the office who will challenge Sool now that they’re gone. One person who will at least _try_ to run damage control.”

Lili shifted in her seat, refusing to look in his eyes. She hadn’t expected their coffee rendezvous to stray so far beyond idle chit-chat.

“Sool is going to run the LEP into the ground. I don’t — I don’t even know how many people he owes favors — you _know_ someone like him couldn’t have made it this far without making some promises to people with a vested interest in using LEP like their personal security team,” he threw his hands up in disgust. “I _hate_ him, and because of that, I’m going to stick around. I’m not giving him the luxury of a team full of yes-sirs.”

“You think he’s firing Foaly,” Lili remarked bluntly, raising her gaze. Trouble leaned forward, rubbing the bridge of his nose and sighing.

“I’d say Foaly has about a week. Tops. The problem won’t be people quitting due to Root’s… death. It’ll be Sool firing people. There’s going to be massive turnover in the next few months.”

“He won’t fire me,” Lili mused, recrossing her legs.

“Or me.”

“Or Grub,” she added as an afterthought, and Trouble nodded.

“I’ll make sure to vouch for him, but I don’t think Sool’s too worried about Grub.”

“Trouble?” she said hesitantly, chewing her lip due to her nerves.

“Hm?”

“I hate what the LEP is right now,” she said bluntly. Trouble lit up, already mentally turning towards making plans, towards finding clever, subtle ways to undermine Sool.

Lili stopped him, holding up a hand.

“I didn’t… love it before Root died—” Lili amended, shooting Trouble a look when he winced.

“Holly and I should have made an effort. I regret—” Trouble flushed “—Repeating some of the crap that I did about you.”

“Make an effort this time around, then,” she declared, and Trouble furrowed his brow before his eyes widened, realization dawning on him.

“So you’ll…”

She gave a half-hearted shrug, offering a small grin. “It’ll be the first real action a corporal will see in LEP history.”

He returned the gesture with a wide grin. “Lili—Thank you! I mean, Frond, I was goddamned terrified you were gonna shoot me down, honestly,” he rubbed the back of his neck, and Lili laughed.

“I just want there to still be a shred of Root’s influence left when we finally boot Sool, you know? For Holly’s sake,” he sobered.

“There will be. It’d take… gods, it’d take centuries to do something as big as purge Root’s effect on LEP. Sool’s not capable of sticking with the job for that long.”

“Eh. I hope not.”

Trouble fell silent. “Holly will like you once she gets to know you,” he added.

The seriousness of the conversation lifted somewhat, and a bit of Lili’s trademark bubbliness peaked through. “You think?”

“I do,” he affirmed, confident.

She contemplated his words, basking in the information. “I hope it works out for one of us, at least.”

Trouble grinned sheepishly. “I’m kind of terrified at the idea of you being my romantic competition.”

“I don’t play dirty,” she dismissed him. “I’ll give you a fighting chance.”

“Thanks,” he chuckled, and Lili felt a tightness in her chest.

“So this makes us friends, I’d reckon,” she ventured, grip tightening on her cup that had become cool by now. “Allies, at the least, maybe.”

“Friends,” Trouble insisted, not hesitating.

Lili could have melted.

No guessing if it was her parents he cared about. No worrying if it was all a ploy to seduce. No what-ifs.

Friends.

Just friends.

“Let’s make sure Holly has a LEP to come back to that she can be proud of,” she announced, tone bright.

They regarded each other, and for the first time since she’d been recruited, Lili’s uniform felt fitting. It was wanted. Deserved.

She could be brave like Holly was.


End file.
